Friday, June 20, 2014

Who's Really the Self-Absorbed Ones, Men or Women?

This has been the darkest year of my life. My dad committed suicide and I have to see my sisters in the company of a foster mom I don't even know and about three social workers. Because of all this stress, I'm barely able to stand on my own two feet and be strong. 

Therefore, I do feel bad that some of the men I dated in my past felt judged. However, I just can't help any one right now. I have to take care of myself. As I said in other posts, I have no energy to baby emotionally available men or single dads anymore. 

Regarding this, I've said this: Most of the single dads I know messed around a lot when they were younger. Now, I add that the only reason some of them might've grown up is because they now have one or more children. I get that because of their children they're not the same, irresponsible people they used to be. However, it feels too late for me to give at least one of the persons I had feelings for a chance. 

I Have Nothing to Give -- Or Do I?

Maybe at least one person I used to date was right. Maybe I really am self-absorbed. I don't really want to be, but lately I feel as if I have nothing left to give -- no compassion, no encouragement and no sympathy.

In my defense, I spent over a decade of my life so far babying men who can't barely even take care of themselves. They also would whine too much about the "B@tch" they gave everything to. Yet from them I would receive almost no emotional support. I'm not saying they at times half-heartedly showed me they cared. However, it was rare.  

Therefore, about three years ago, I decided what I really wanted was to be alone for a while. However, I unfortunately never got the chance -- came close but every time I tried to get my own place I would run into personal and financial obstacles and didn't feel ready. 

Where was a Man when I Needed Him?

Men seem to be able to get away with being such babies until at least their mid-40s or even well into their 50s and 60s. Whatever they want the women cater to them and usually hoping the men will marry them. 

Feed up with Having to be the Strong One

Sometimes, a woman who caters to a needy man might result in him wanting to marry here. However, this phenomon often causes great resentment in a woman as she ages. I myself got tired of putting (most of) my all into a relationship and get very little in return. 

It's not that I needed a man really, but it would've been nice to have one around more in my younger years. However, most men at that age usually just want to do what they want to do regardless of whether or not it will break a woman's heart. 

Don't get me wrong. I've grown accustomed to not depending on a man. However, it just would've been nice if I could've found one a lot sooner than I did and not miss out on having children. 

Abandomment Issues Many Women Face

On top of all that, many men abandom them during the midlife crisis years. Therefore, if a female seems a bit high-maintenance and selfish later in life, it's more than likely because she's fet up with having to be the strong one all the time. 

However, I'm probably fortunate to say that I learned how to live without a man from an early age on up until now. I was abandoned by the first person I ever cared about just so he could party and do whatever he wanted. I was forced to carry on all alone. 

However, I also learned that I have to take care of myself because no man will take care of me. It's not necessarily true that most aren't capable, but with my experience with men, it sure seems like it. 

Love is Patient, Kind and Unself but not a Doormat

When I was younger, I was told to date men but don't expect marriage or to push the idea on them. When I didn't push the idea, the man would usually bring up the subject and/or push the idea of a more serious relationship. I actually had the opportunity to get married a couple of times. 

However, as much as I realize that love is not supposed to be selfish or impatient or any of that, it's also not supposed to be a doormat. Therefore, as if three years ago, I made sure I'm no longer going to be a doormat.