Sunday, June 22, 2014

To Men who Thought I Expected Perfection: My Current Screw-up is Quite Humbling

My talk about men on this blog might give you the impression I think all males are undependable creatures. However, my current screw-up today humbles me. Plus, I don't really think all men let women down. 

I'm too embarrassed to get into the details, but I feel absolutely horrible because I let my brother down today. He didn't appear mad about it, but I still feel bad. I got caught up in a work thing that I didn't realize was due as soon as it was, and so I ended up not being able to meet up with him as I promised. 

I'm beating myself up quite a bit about it, so even if he was disappointed and didn't show it, he didn't have to. I'm punishing me enough for the both of us as it is! 

It sucks, because my brother is one person in my family I didn't want to let down, especially after all the help he gave me over the years. However, at least I got off my high horse. 

I Don't Want Perfection, Just Love!

I don't want perfection, just love. Therefore, I'm going to clarify this: I never wanted perfection from anyone I dated -- just the assurance he was going to be around for me next week just like he was this week. 

I'm saying this because perhaps some of my demands I made on men in my younger years came across as perfectionism. Some of that has to do with the parental expectation that a man make a certain amount of money, be able to afford elaborate dates, and all the other unrealisms that moms and dads may have for their "little girl."

It's not The Things that Matter, but Rather the Intent

Women in their younger years -- from maybe age 18 to age 35 -- become fixated on watching out for the exterior demonstrations of love. For instance, the size of an engagement rock, the number of days in a week in which a man calls her, and frequency of planned dates matters to her. Perhaps whether or not he has a steady job or a stylish enough of a vehicle might matter to her. 

However, as a women grows up, she realizes that these superficial things just don't matter. It's not what a man can do on the outside but rather how he feels on the inside that matters the most. But he has to know how to show it!

So, how Should a Man Show His Intent? 

Maybe a man does have genuine intentions toward the woman he's with. In other words, maybe he really does love her. However, all the love in the world doesn't make a pile of difference to a woman if he doesn't know how to convey that love to her. If a woman has no idea how a man feels, how will she ever know? 

In any situation, it helps if a man can communicate his feelings for a woman in a way that lets her know he's in it for the long haul. As far as how to express his emotions, it takes getting to know a woman and understanding what's important to her. Then, he can more easily find a way to show her how much he cares. If he doesn't take time to find out what's important to her, she may never have any idea how much she means to him. 

But Isn't Every Woman the Same?

The short answer: No! Every woman has different expectations, and a man has to figure out what the woman he's with really wants. To men: Don't fall for the "one size fits all" types of "relating to women" books out there. That material will get you in trouble!

Recommended Reading Material for Men

I didn't intend on using this blog to teach men on how to treat women. However, it's turning out that way! The book I recommend is a spin-off of the popular "Five Love Languages" book. 

The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts