Friday, January 3, 2014

To All the Men with a Low Self-Esteem and the Women who Date Them

I dated many men with a low self-esteem and If I could do it all over again, I never would have. Do you know why? If it weren’t for their low self-esteem, maybe I would’ve been able to get married before I’m too old to have kids.

Therefore, this is my message to men with a low self-esteem:

It’s okay to be on your pity potty for a short while. However, a lot of honest, semi-normal women would be happy just to have a place to live let alone a huge house and endless dollars. You may want better for you and her, but if you don’t stop feeling sorry for yourself soon, your girlfriend’s eggs are going to dry up.

Oh, and then there’s the ones who want to take out their low self-esteem on others. For instance, I once was happily planning a wedding during which time I had my fiancĂ© said, “You want the wedding more than you want me.”

I had no idea how I was supposed to try to convince him that wasn’t true, but he would say things like that constantly. He even said that women should marry a guy because they love him not just to have kids. I felt so hurt by what he would say to me that I’m glad we never ended up together!

It was as if every time I was happy he wanted to kill my joy. I wish he would’ve realized before it’s too late that I wanted the wedding and kids, and I also wanted him. Why did I have to choose between the first two things and him? Eventually I did choose, but instead of one or the other I picked none of the above! I don’t need that kind of guilt in my life. It's not my fault he felt so insecure that he couldn't believe I loved him.

It wasn’t like I was asking for the moon, either. I bent over backward to try to compromise with him so we could still have a halfway decent wedding for less than a thousand dollars. Apparently, even that was still too much for him, so he had to treat me like I don't deserve anything decent because he felt worthless. It didn’t even seem to matter that both of our parents would have probably contributed financially to the wedding.

I also remember a time when I just met a guy. While we sat on his couch together, all I wanted to tell him is that I’m glad I met him. I felt so happy. Then, all of the sudden, he went on this tangent about how he’s not ready for a serious relationship. I wasn’t even looking for a serious relationship at the time anyway, but just the fact that he had to go out of my way to tell me that really sent me on a downward spiral. Again with the not wanting me to be happy! Is there something wrong with me wanting to be happy?! Is there??!!

Oh, but the worst one was after I was engaged and this guy said, “I’m 29 years old and I haven’t done anything with my life.” I didn’t know how to handle that at the time. Maybe I was wrong in taking it personally. However, if we’re supposed to be married in a few months -- and he’s really this depressed -- I would have to deal with that for the rest of my life. Therefore, I decided not to go through with it. If and when I do get married, I want the man to be happy about it, not depressed!

To the women who date these kind of men:

Don’t spend too many years of your life babying them. Spend time on your own and get your own act together. Then, meet and marry someone with a better self-esteem before you’re too old to have kids – or at least before you’re too old to try to have your own kids even if it doesn’t happen.

Otherwise, you could end up living an extremely miserable life wondering what might of been if you hadn't given up so much of your self and your time to ungrateful people. You don’t need to waste your life on someone who feels so rotten about himself that he wants to drag you down with him.