Monday, October 14, 2013

Being a Stepmother is Less Appreciated than Even a Mother


Some years ago, someone told me one of the most hurtful things a guy can say to a woman. A single dad but emotionally unavailable single dad told me that he thinks most single women are “selfish.” Then, he described a story of someone who left him because she couldn’t handle his kids.

He said this in defense to the fact that I was tired of single dads whose exes cheated on them. I also mentioned that most of them use their kids as an excuse not to get hurt by another woman again.

However, I wasn’t trying to say I wouldn’t accept a guy’s kids. Still, as a two-time single dad dater, I have something to say about this.

The one thing this person doesn’t realize he’s asking of that single woman:

The single dad is asking a woman who never had kids of her own to give up her entire life for his child(ren). Yet, he’s not even promising her half of the things that he did to the woman who actually bore the little one(s).

Not only does she not get the wedding, ring, house, the kids and the attention that the first wife received, but she also doesn’t get the rights. Most of the time, step mothers take on the one role of parenthood even less appreciated than that of a biological mother.

Not only that, but the children could be ripped from her life at any given moment if the relationship doesn’t work out. Oh, and trying to be friends after a break-up can be tough. Usually, it leads to yet another booty call, and prolongs the chance of either one of the persons stuck in this terrible cycle to ever meet “the one.”

From my personal experience, this is what I think about it:

Single dads I dated expected me to invest all my time, energy and emotions into a situation just in case some day in the month of maybe the twelfth day after the year of NEVER we will get married. Oh, and mind you, THEY were the ones too eager (supposedly) to get married, not me! They’d want to propose when they have a hard on to try to make an honest woman out of me. Then, when “it” went flat again, they changed their minds.

I often felt like I was just some extra person that was expected to just shut up and put out:

I didn’t feel like I had the right to have an opinion about anything concerning the child(ren) I’d have to help raise. I was also supposed to be there and never expect anything in return – not even any kind of emotional support at all. I wasn’t allowed to have problems.

Mind you, the single dad could be as much of a basket case as he wanted to be, but OH not the potential stepmother! God forbid she have ANY faults at all!!