Thursday, July 4, 2013

In Relationships, This Is What Would've Been Nice

When I think about what I really wanted from my past relationships it was just this: For any one of my exes to have invested even half of the emotional energy any one of them spent pining over someone he couldn't have. 

For instance, maybe I wished any one of them could have looked at me in the eye more and stop telling me of when he first made babies, got married, moved in together, and bought a dog with his ex. I also wish that one of them would've gone camping or to the farmer's market with me and not tell me that he used to go with his last serious girlfriend as an excuse not to go.

At the same time, I wanted to have something about our relationship set it apart from any other. For instance, I always hoped I could find someone to sing with who thought I was good enough. I also wanted a union based on something in common other than just that both of our sets of parents wanted us to settle down and have babies. 

(Because of my beliefs, I'm almost 40 years old and never had a kid of my own yet. I believe it's because none of the guys nor my parents ever understand what I really wanted. However, at least my parents couldn't control my destiny. This is off topic but needs to be said: I'm happy for both of my brothers though. At least they found what appears to be true love faster than I ever did. I'd like to think it was the poor examples some of my exes sent that helped them land good wives--not to treat their women the way some of my exes treated me.)

As far as that something that sets it apart: Just that he knew I'm the one. That's it. That's what most of my arguments were in my relationships. I just wanted to be with someone who knew he wants to be with me and who wasn't going to tell me a bunch of "sweet little lies." For instance, I didn't want him to give me cute little gifts, flowers, and a ring then later say he's not in love with me. I also didn't want to hear the sob story about how he thought I didn't think he was good enough. All I wanted was for him to to decide to be with me and be done with all the excuses. 

Regarding the assurance that he's the one: I admit it was hard for me to figure that one out. That's because I was taught to judge guys based on external qualities that in the end don't matter. For instance, I used to get too hung up on how often he and I go out to dinner, or go dancing, or take walks. It used to matter to me if a guy had a stable enough income, too. 

We all change. What I thought was important 10 to 15 years ago may not be important now. For instance, I don't go out in public as much as I did in the past. As far as money, I'm probably just happy if he has some and I don't have to pay all the bills. I don't need all the things that guys supposedly think a woman needs--expensive dinners, extravagant house, new car. The only thing I really need is for him to love me next week just as much as he did last week. That's all I ever wanted.