Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I Feel Guilty But It's Still NMFP

Right now, I feel guilty because I didn't lend my ex money when he asked for it. I didn't because I was tired of him not making any sacrifices in his spending of pot, beer, and cigarettes. What he does with his body is his business, but I'm no longer lending him money when he asks. I won't be at this place long, but I'm only going to buy stuff for the house when we need it. How he gets his cash for his substances he abuses is NMFP. 

I feel guilty because he actually thought I wasn't being a very good friend just because I didn't want to lend him the money. He thinks that couples are supposed to hand each other freely all their resources even if one of them is taking advantage of the other--or at least that's the perception I have. It's completely ridiculous that he would raise such a stink and actually have the nerve to even ask me for anything. I don't care how much he did for me in the past. I shouldn't have to feel guilty if I don't want to lend him money every time he asks for it. 

He truly is the most ungrateful, selfish person I've ever met. What is he 15? I thought he was going to be 50 in a couple of weeks. He should grow up--stop acting like a spoiled teenager who thinks the entire world should revolve around his addictions. I'm tired of being the codependent. I never expected anything from him except for him to be just as willing to buy toilet paper or laundry soap as he is to buy beer or cigarettes. However, I learned that's obviously too much to ask, so I'm seriously done here. 

As soon as I get my next payment from a client, I'm gone. Gone for good.