Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Do you Need Pot or Beer? It's NMFP

NMFP, in other words not my f*cking problemI already told my readers how tired I am of dealing with single dads and their exes. It's NMFP any more. It would be, except I was always on the short end of that deal and grew tired of feeling cheated in relationships. I'm tired of the codependency Ferris wheel, in other words--round and round, up and down and never getting off. 

Further Explanation: When I use the phrase NMFP, it's not to say I don't care about others, but rather to say I don't care about the problems of others if they put their addictions before me. I also feel I deserve just as much as the last person any one of the persons I was with ever gave to their ex. 

Your Addiction's NMFP

I stupidly felt obligated to move in with an ex of mine -- and ashamedly did so after he allegedly tried to rape a friend of mine. I felt sorry for him because he didn't have money for rent or food so I thought I'd help him out. I did so though technically it's NMFP (not my f*cking problem).

The only reason I did is because he supported me for eight months a couple of years ago, and I felt like it was the least I could do -- the right thing:

Since he had more money than me and helped me out, I figured I'd return the favor. I bought stuff we needed around the house. Not only that but I also did nice stuff for him such as buy him a sub two times in a week, and I caught up on some of the utility and Internet bills that I didn't pay when I first moved in. I figured the financial end of it was the least I could do for him supporting me when he could, and I felt like that part of it was my responsibility. I also let his children use my car whenever they wanted--as long as they were not going on a pot run. I didn't mind doing any of that stuff, and I did it out of my own free will. I not only did what was my responsibility plus I did more than I needed to do. 

However, here's one thing that just is NMFP:

He asked me if I could lend him $20 until the next day, oh but I should add that this was after he had already asked me to lend him $90 so his brother could buy pot. I did say no both times, mainly because I promised myself I wouldn't get involved in his drama this time like I did a few months earlier. In February, he had only three months to go on unemployment. Was he looking for a job though? No, he was instead partying his @ss off with his kids' friends. He may have had money to pay rent, but all he did was drink or smoke the money away. 

He decided it was more important to impress people half his age who supposedly said they "wished they had a dad like him" then it was to be responsible and get a job. Yet, he doesn't even have a job and had over a year to find one and didn't really even bother looking that hard. 

I told him , "If your kid's friends think you're so cool, then maybe you should ask them to move in here and help us pay rent!"

I also said I'd never want a dad like him--lazy and irresponsible and disrespects women sexually. (I didn't communicate that message to him in those exact words, but tried to anyway.)

Anyway, he argued with me for over an hour because I told him I was willing to give him $5 for now. I told him he didn't have to even pay me back. However, that wasn't good enough just because with it he couldn't get everything he wanted. Still, he could've gotten at least three 24-ounce cans of beer for that price. It's NMFP if it's not enough for his cigarettes, pot, etc.

Instead of being grateful for what I was willing to give him, he raised a stink as if I'm responsible for all of his comforts and pleasures. It wasn't right for him to treat me like that, because I tried. I did, and apparently none of my efforts were good enough because I couldn't do everything he asked me to do. 

I should also add that I've given him money before --sometimes $20 or $25 at a time, but that didn't matter:

All he ever seemed to care about is getting what he wants when he wants it, as if he's a spoiled five year old whose parents never denied him. He says he never got "sh@t" as a child, and I know that's not true. He got a lot more than I ever did -- and as a result it's just never enough as an adult! 

Apparently, in order to prove that I love him, I'm supposed to give him whatever he wants when he wants it -- even if I think what he wants is bad for him. It's none of my business what he does with his body, but when he tries to involve my finances in it, then it does become my problem. Therefore, I have to draw the line and tell him it's NMFP. I'm not going to support all his addictions. I can barely take care of myself!