Monday, June 3, 2013

Relationship Advice From Books I Wish I Would've Never Followed

I read all kinds of advice in books about relationships when I was younger, and now I think all that reading was a huge mistake. You can't read books and expect to be able to have a good relationship overnight.

Take it from me. I'm no expert, but I read all kinds of books and I'm still 39 years old and still single. It doesn't mean I'll never read any more relationship advice articles or books. In fact I still do all the time. I'm just sayin'...

<<----And the image you see to the left is a complete farce about how I feel about most relationship advice books. I actually plan to write a book of that title, so please don't steal this idea--which is now in tangible form. :)

Here's some advice I wish I had never followed:
  • You should be emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready for marriage. Years later, I realize that nobody — not even the couples that claim to still be happily married — would be together if they had followed this advice. Why should I?
  • If you're not ready to have kids you're not ready for marriage. I must admit this was one of the main reasons I never got married yet. I also have mixed feelings about whether or not the Bible says birth control is wrong. However, as of now, I do believe that couples have the right to decide for themselves if and when they have children. I don't think having kids should be an obligation.
  • You have to be emotionally healed from your past. What if a full healing never comes in this lifetime? Some emotional wounds only disappear after we leave this earth. Every person should try to strive for total healing and learn how to not hurt others. However, people in love can care enough to support one another if they want to improve their lives together.
  • You should be psychically healthy. It would be nice if none of us had health problems as a single person. However, I think it's up to each couple to decide if they want to take on the health conditions of another person. If they can make it work without the one who is sick not feeling like a burden, then so be it. If you are the one in love with someone who is sick, it is up to you to decide if you want to marry that person.
  • If you don't know who you are, you shouldn't get married. It's true that being unsure of who you are and what you want in life could make a relationship difficult. However, it doesn't make it entirely possible if you have a person in your life accepts the fact that your wants and needs will change. If you work on it and compromise, you will not grow apart.
  • You should finish high school and college, and establish your career first. People who are teenagers are told this. Finishing high school may at least be a good idea. It's a good time to develop skills you need for the future. Completing college also may help because it could lead to a more stable financial future. Still, no one should look down on you if you and your significant other are happy where you are at. It is possible to have a happy life together even if you haven't reached all your career goals yet. It's up to you when you decide to get married.
  • You should have a good relationship with your family. I just spent the past decade trying to improve relationships with my family. I even attempted to reconcile with my dad even though he sexually abused me for years. However, I recently decided it would be better if I don't have a relationship with my dad at this time. I just don't trust him and I never will. Does that mean I'm not supposed to get married even though I'm almost 40 years old?
  • If you're not ready to get married you shouldn't date. I've read books that suggest that you shouldn't even go on dates or you shouldn't even kiss people if you're not ready to get married. I could see waiting until marriage to have sex is a good plan — if you have the strength to do it. However, I realized at one point it was too strict of a standard to not even date until I'm ready to get married. I learned a lot from my relationships even if they weren't meant to be — when I finally did start dating.
Read about my opinion on most relationship books>>