Friday, May 17, 2013

There Was A Lot I Was Accused Of But This Hurt The Most...

There was a lot that I was accused of. For instance, when I thought I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex I was accused of being gay or asexual. When I was planning a wedding and excited about it I was accused of wanting a wedding more than I wanted the person I was with. I was also accused of teasing a guy just because I was sitting next to him and he got aroused. 

However, the one thing that I was accused of the most:

Well, it wasn't an outright accusation, but it was one of those statements a person makes that just really cut me:

"You should be with a guy because you love him and not just so you can have his kid."

That really hurt, because it was like he was saying I didn't love him just because I wanted to have a kid. I did love him and I told him I loved him, so that hurt that he would even say that to me. 

But I learned my lesson from it all being on the other side of the fence:

For years I was trying to have a relationship with someone who wanted to push for us to have a kid and live together, and/or get married. However, this same person could not for the longest time tell me he loved me. I also realized one day that I felt like an outsider in some of my relationships because I never had kids with the people I dated. 

However, on the other hand, I know what I really want:

Taking kids out of the equation, I want to know if a guy really loves me for me. I want to know if he really wants to be with me and knows I am the one. If he doesn't then it's just not worth it. None of it is worth it to me. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life.