Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I Know There's People with Worse Problems Than Me...But....

I know there's people with worse problems than me. For instance, I feel sorry for the people whose children or significant others were shot down and killed in Connecticut. That's just sad. It really is. Therefore, I don't want to feel too self-absorbed.

However, this time of the year is hard for single women when they get older. I myself can't help but beat myself up for all the things I shouldn't have said and shouldn't have done. Sin has consequences. I have to accept that.

Furthermore, when I think about all the times I had a chance to get married or a chance to be in a relationship that could possibly lead to getting married and it didn't work out, I start to blame myself. However, it can't all be my fault can it? I'm not the only one to blame am I?

I might have issues, but my exes are not without their issues too. I will never again let anyone treat me like he doesn't want me around and I will never let any one of my exes try to get me to believe I'm not good enough. 

And quite frankly I'd rather be too old to have a child and be with someone who will treat me like I matter than to be with a flighty, wishy-washy person who doesn't know what he wants from one day to the next.

And, I'm not trying to be mean, but...I really do hope that when I'm ready to get married that God brings me a person who is...

well...

Not any of you. That's exactly how I feel right now.

I know I have to stop being bitter. I do. Otherwise, I will never have the kind of relationship I want.

However, I wasn't always bitter. I was actually quite happy with my life some time ago. However, it seemed like every time I was happy there was always someone who didn't want me to be happy. Therefore, I backed down.

I'm somewhat miserable right now just so other people can be happy. That's how I feel. I just hope some day it'll be my turn to be happy. 

And, I truly think I will be happy as long as "the one" is not any of you (my exes).