Thursday, October 18, 2012

If Anyone Feels Judged, I’m Sorry

I’m writing this post just in case anyone feels judged. I try to be careful what I share on this blog, yet I sometimes push the limit.

I mostly do it because I know many women as well as men deal with similar issues as me. I usually resolve to go ahead and post because I figure I only live once. Besides, in the end I usually wind up incriminating myself the most anyway.

What I Believe about Most People

What I believe about most people-men and women both-is that everyone has both strong points and weak points. I even say this about the exes I vented about in the past. Obviously, if no good existed within the people I dated, I wouldn’t have even stayed with any one of them for the time I did. I should also say that in one case I wish my time with one person was for longer than it was.

As far as judging, what I mean is…

I often struggled over the years regarding certain lifestyle choices such as the possibility of having more than one partner. During such times, I met people with similar interests, but then I later decided I would rather be with just only one person.

So now, I live my life examining myself and why I ever thought about having multiple partners in the first place. Some of my reasons for it might be the same as for other people while other reasons are different than that of other people.

For awhile, I thought it would be nice to not have to cut anyone off with whom I was involved. The main reason why is because I to some extent had built some kind of friendship with each person I was with.

However, I found it somewhat hard to find time for everyone. Either that or I just simply couldn’t handle feeling like I had to chose between one person or another. Therefore, I now might be friends with them but nothing more.

Another issue…

I’ve never been married and didn’t count on the possibility that someone I may have wanted as a primary partner may instead choose me as a secondary-or not choose to be involved with me at all. That is what happened to me and why I decided I would rather be monogamous-the fact that I was rejected by someone I may have wanted to be married do.

Not everyone may agree with my reasoning for deciding to be monogamous, but…

I was challenged as far as the reasons why I thought about not being monogamous. For mean, one reason I was out doing what I was doing is because I gave up on finding a mate. I also had no idea if I would ever be ready to get married.

The other main reason is because I just was so used to feeling I had to keep my options open when dating. That way, if a person I was with dumps me I would always still have someone.

In other words, for me I decided it can’t be a way of life. I was only doing it out of fear of being hurt and fear of being alone. However, I found out I could never be truly happy living like that.

I know this because I was in a relationship for a year with someone who was very attentive to me. I never had to guess that he was into me. Therefore, I didn’t feel like I needed other people as romantic or sexual partners. It was almost as if I had a taste of what it might be like to be married or to be committed to someone.

On the other hand…

That relationship wasn’t necessarily healthy either because of certain personal issues both he and I had. Therefore, it had to end. Still, in the end I’m realizing I felt happier as far as being committed to someone instead of sleeping around.

Of course, then another issue comes up. There was a time when I thought I should wait to be married to have sex. However, just like many other people, I didn’t think I was ever going to get married and couldn’t wait.

This is an issue to be debated some other time. However, for now I must say that I was always happier being with only one person versus times I tried to juggle multiple partners.

My point is…

Just in case anyone I know reads my posts and wonders where I stand, I share my experiences as they evolve. However, it’s supposed to be from my personal point of view and not meant to hurt or judge anyone else.