Friday, October 5, 2012

I Regret, But I Don't Regret

One thing I regret about the past eight years of my life is sleeping around too much. I regret it because I may have delayed my chance to get married indefinitely. I also in a way wish I hadn't done it because I may have possibly lost my chance to have a child of my own for good. 

However, on the other hand, there is one thing I don't regret. I absolutely cannot take back the fact that I decided to not tie myself down to any one person I had feelings for. I will tell you why. It's a waste of time unless that person is the one. 

I say this even though (or maybe even because of the fact that) I've fallen in love a half a dozen times...

Don't get me wrong. I learned a lot from the six or seven times I had dated and fallen in love. However, I also wish I had been strong enough almost a decade ago already to just not date unless I was ready to get married. 

Why I decided to date so much...

The older I got the lonelier I got, and I feared the idea that I could be stuck alone for the rest of my life. I must admit maybe also I didn't want to be a 30 or 40 year old virgin either, but that's another story. 

What I want to do now...

I'm once again trying to not date for as long as possible. I'm hoping I can make it a year. However, that seems like forever to me. I still fear that if I wait to date I will never get married. Then again, I was in one relationship after another for over eight years and how'd that work out for me? Not so well, not so much!