Monday, September 3, 2012

No Joke: Characteristics of a Sexual Offender

WARNING

Possible triggers for people who have been abused sexually in the past...

Please read this post with caution...

Intro

Of course, we here about cases in which adults violate children or teens all the time. However, this post refers to adults who try to advance on another adult, usually in a relationship setting. This might be referred to as date or acquaintance rape. If the two people are in a long-term relationship or are married it might be called marital rape.

My Story

I just got out of a relationship with someone who was way too sexually aggressive. I might even prosecute him, but I haven't decided yet. However, my main motive right now is to legally get taken off my lease so I can live a normal life again and be safe. 

This wasn't the first person I could've reported, though although he's the first one who ever held me down physically in that I was too strong to push him off. Once he even had the nerve to ask me “are you okay?” He said this after I said “no” and he got on top of me anyway and he must've saw the horror on my face. 

I probably should've told him “No. I'm not okay. You're raping me right now!”. I'm not sure why I didn't say anything, but it was most likely fear because I wasn't sure what he would do to me if I did fight him. 

Other men I dated would acting like a complete two-year-old when I said no. I've also been accused of being gay, told I was a cheater, called a “d*ck tease,” and a host of other things that were either disrespectful or wrong to say to someone who says “no” to sex. In fact, I'll go as far as to say "the one" will be someone who will respect my right to say "no" and wait for me to respond to his advance later.

Further Explanation of My Story

I told the police already that I did have sex willingly with this man about 90% of the time. However, I also told the police that I estimate approximately a dozen times when he took it from me without consent.

I think even if I am involved sexually with a man he can't take it without knowing I'm okay with it! This person seemed to think he was entitled to sex whenever he wants it from me just because we were boyfriend-girlfriend but I say that sex is ALWAYS supposed to be out of FREE WILL no less than 100% of the time!

Also, because of his actions from the very beginning of the relationship, I struggle with post-traumatic fear and anger. I put up a huge wall in case he were to aggress upon me again. 

In addition to revealing my story, I want people to realize who sexual offenders really are...

They might seem normal for the most part. For instance, in my case, sexual offenders are often very kind and generous and they have a good sense of humor. They might give me gas or bus money or even pay to get my car fixed. They might act like the real knight in shining armour that we all hear about, yet  they have this whole different side to them. 

They can offer you the world one minute and then treat you like a sex slave the next. In my case, it seems like most of them have bipolar or some other mental illness or they are drug and alcohol addicts. (I should point out, however, that not everyone who has a mental illness is a sexual offender!)

Stupidity Trumps all Good

In my opinion, stupidity trumps all good. I will explain further. A man can be kind and generous and give me everything he has. However, it doesn't do any good if he violates me sexually in any way. I cannot appreciate someone like that, and I will never trust a man who uses his money and possessions as a way to try to control me. 

It Also Happens to Men!

Not all men who have been sexually abused will abuse others, and some men have been victims of sexual abuse. It happens to them although it doesn't seem to be reported as often as for women. In any case, they have the same rights to safety and peace of mind as women do.