Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Would I Ever Give Another Single Dad A Chance?

Originally Written 2012, updated 2014

About three years ago, I needed to try something new after my second round of dating a single dad. Therefore, I decided to get into a serious relationship with a man who has no young children. 

I'll tell you why -- done with custody battles and baby mama drama, that's why. Oh, and the "afraid of being hurt" business is hard to deal with, too. I realize it's real for the men who had their heart broken. However, it became too difficult to always feel on the outside looking in. I'd always hear about his children with another woman.

Would I Ever Date Another Single Dad With Small Children?

I actually had two relationships that did not work out because of the above-mentioned issues. As a result, I turned down someone from my distant past that I used to care about who wanted to date me about four years ago. 

At that time, I couldn't bear the thought of yet another relatonship fall to pieces. I didn't think I had it in me to do the "single dad thing" a third time. I had no courage in me to risk once more eventualy having to walk away from two or more people. That is, instead of having to leave just him behind, I'd once again abandon more children I grew to love. I decided not to try dating him after a couple of years of hesitation. 

However, I still think about that person and wonder if I made a mistake turning him down. I don't think he's that much into me anymore. However, if he was, I would only date him under one condition: That he has his act together and has no more baggage or drama from past relationships. 

His custody battle court dates better done with as well, and custody better have already been decided. I also would prefer that the kids would be older than three years old. It’s just way too hard to deal with younger children who don’t know that I’m not their real mother. 

Now, here is where I get kind of harsh, revealing some of my leftover hard feelings from past experiences with single dads: This is a generalization, and I realize it. However, I will just say how I feel. 

Single dads that I’ve met and single dads that I have been in a relationship with seem to want to portray themselves as this: 

 A super-responsible martyr who is the "better parent" and could do no wrong, and since he's been hur,t I’m supposed to treat him like a baby. However, I feel that the reality is this: Maybe not ths person personally would expect me to treat him like a baby, but most single dads do.

I also feel as if many of them are self-righteous, overly-controlling, insecure, needy men. They use their past relationship hurts as an excuse to treat me like an expendable piece of garbage. 

 These men either do one of two things: 

1. They marry the first person who says yes. 

2. They latch on to the first available woman just because they have “needs.” 

I may not be right about all ths. All I know is I’m fed up. I would give a single dad a chance if I know he wouldn’t use me, but I’m really not going to let anyone jerk me around anymore. And I REFUSE to deal with ANY more baby mama drama.