Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I'm the one who needs help, not you!

Note: I originally wrote this at a time when I was feeling worn out and spent and was trying to regain my independence after being with someone for years who tried to subtly undermine me.

I am a good-hearted person. I like to help people when I can. But sometimes I just can't when they ask me. And what do they do? They insist anyway.

Oh, but when I need help...it's a different story. Where are they to be found? Where are they when I need a lift? Or when I need a friend to talk to?

Oh sure, they will offer me money. But I don't want people's money. I am sick of taking people's money. I want to prove that despite my problems that I can make it.

I have read stories of people way worse off than me. And they got by. In fact, they happen to be very successful.

In fact, movie stars and celebrities of all kinds make it every day. Many of these person have serious mental illnesses, even bipolar or schzichzophrenia.

I have a close friend who has schzichzophrenia as well. And she was the lead in high school plays. I have another friend who has bipolar and she holds down a full-time job.

So if they can make it I should be able to as well. I may not have that kind of illness, as most of my problems were the result of childhood trauma. However, I am tired of being put down and used.

People try to get whatever they can out of me but they don't care about me. I hardly ever ask anybody for help. And you know why?

Because they make me feel bad for asking! And these are the same people who expect me to jump whenever they say jump. Shame on them!

In case they have not noticed, I am the one who needs help not them. I am sick and tired of wasting all my time helping others. I need to help myself! Leave me alone! All of you just leave me alone!