Thursday, October 20, 2011

Is there a way to prevent from being hurt in relationships?

What I have been through in the past seven years makes me wonder. Is there really a way to prevent from being hurt in relationships?

Here is a great example...

I decided to do with one guy what I felt I should have done with a previous boyfriend. I decided I wanted to find out what is going on in his life before I got too close to him. I figured that would keep me from becoming wrapped up for the third time in ex drama and custody battles.

I pushed a new man (or new-old one who I knew from high school) away mostly because I figured it would make my decision easier. Further explained, if he couldn't take the heat then maybe he's not the one.

I also did it because I started to think of what I could have done differently in my lifetime to prevent being hurt. To further clarify, one time I got involved with an older man who was on his own a year.

However, he failed to tell me he still had to go to court to fight for custody of his daughter. I was infuriated when I found out. The reason it upset me so much is because this man knew I had just gotten out of a broke engagement six months ago! 

The reason I say this is my previous marriage engagement originally was broken for similar reasons-paternity tests, custody battles, and ex drama! I swore I was never going to become sucked into other people's drama ever again, but I was tricked. That is how I feel. I felt trick-and used like a trick I might ad!

Once and twice fine, but three strikes and I'm just stupid so...

Now I am with a man who has no small kids and unfinished ex drama (at least not with any living ones to my knowledge). I'm not sure I love him but it sure beats getting heartbroken over a man I was never meant to be with. Maybe eventually I will fall in love with him, or someone else who is not so full of drama.

The ironic thing is...I have been accused of being the one with all the drama, but in my defense at least half of my drama is stress from dealing with other people's drama. I try to be compassionate, patient, and understanding but I can only mentally handle so much stress of other people on top of my own stressful life! 

Also, where is the person when I need emotional support? Most of the time I can just expect not to get it from a guy I date at all. My current boyfriend tries though. I should give him a little bit of credit. 

However, to conclude, there is no fool-proof way to prevent from getting hurt...

For example, I was strictly friends with someone I was in love with over two years. That decision to be just friends rather than get closely involved was out of fear of dealing with the same old issues. However, trying to remain friends rather than try to day didn't make much difference in whether or not I would get hurt.

Sure, I save myself from being possibly dumped again. However, I was still hurt by the fact we couldn't be together. It's almost like I cannot win. It re-enforces the fact that I regret trying to follow such strict rules about dating when I was younger (i.e. don't date until ready for marriage). 

I will close by saying if I feel like I got the short end of the stick regarding men and relationships it is partly my own fault...


Click here to read, "If I had only Taken more Risks when I was Younger"