Sunday, October 23, 2011

Can players find true love? Are they bad people?

Original post date: 11/22/2010 Revised: 10/21/2010

A point of reference for this entry: A player is a person who sleeps around. It could also be a person who uses deceptive means of getting another person in bed. When I refer to player in this entry I refer mostly to people who are single who are involved in promiscuous activity but are not cheating on anyone....

There is something I have always wondered about myself. I always wondered why I most of my life I was attracted to guys who are either currently players or used to be players in their past.

I often used to judge people like this very harshly. I used to think that I was better than them, especially when I was still a virgin. However, I had to one day realize what it was about me that draw me to these types of people.

First I have to answer this question: Are players bad people?

A player is not necessarily a bad person. He just maybe does not know what he wants in life or has no solid clue what he really wants out of a relationship. Either that or he just enjoys the fun he is having.

However, I must here I am speaking in reference to an honest player but not someone who is phony and hides what he does behind someone's back. I have simply come to the conclusion that a guy who used to be a player or still is a player is not necessarily a bad person.

Again, I may have judged a guy like this more harshly when I was still a virgin, but now I do know better not to. Still, there is never any excuse for dishonest cheating, and a guy should never lead a woman on.

He should tell he he does not want to be in an exclusive relationship if he wants to be free to "mess around." I'm a big girl, not so fragile any more because if he's free to do what he wants then I know I am also!

(Although, I tried that lifestyle for awhile and it never seemed to work out very well. Sometimes if I decide I was dong with someone I would have to avoid answering my phone or my door!)

I think a player may be involved in too risky sexually behaviors at times, but unless he is also cheating on someone I would not be too hard on him. Also, I know I am no longer in any position to judge-not that I should judge anyone anyway.

Second question: Why am I almost always attracted to players?

I think aside from unresolved childhood issues that I'd much rather keep to myself, I'd say here is another very good reason...

I just simply do not want to be with a guy that nobody else wants. I cannot think of any other conclusion. That is the best answer I have regarding this issue so far. I guess there is just something exciting about the drama of trying to win a guy like this over.

Third question: Why did I judge players so harshly in the past?

It may be because I was jealous of the attention he was getting. I would always just think he's kind of a jerk. Why does he get more dates than me?

Now I don't necessarily advocate this kind of lifestyle. However, there is one aspect of it that I can take away from this.

I myself have been with more people in my lifetime than I would like to admit, and for that reason try not to judge others as harshly as I used to. The reason I try not to judge the men who do this is because I have learned what they learned-it is must easier to hook up with someone just for fun than to have a real relationship.

Is "playing" substitute for real love? 

Evreryone wants to be wanted, everyone wants to feel attractive, most people are looking for love. However, sometimes we all look for love in the wrong places.

This could be for a number of reasons, one being finding someone who you can connect with emotionally and physically is not something that happens every day. In the mean time, a person looks for comfort in any way possible.

Of course, the other aspect is the curiosity of living a risky lifestyle. I myself had thought for a short time, I'm not married, I don't have any children, I can do what I want. 

However, for me it turned out it was just a way to cope with not having what I really want-true love. Therefore, I just could not do it any more. It was way too emotionally exhausting to jump from one person to another for the time I did.

Can a player find true love? 

I think a player can find true love. That person just needs to learn the difference between love and infatuation. Love is a feeling from the heart and infatuation is the rush of hormones felt when you first meet someone you really like.

However, everyone needs to realize that infatuation can turn into true love over time. Patience is the key. (I probably should talk, I know.)