Friday, September 2, 2011

No Still Means No! 6 Signs of Sexual Disrespect

If you ever wondered what planet some men are from, thinking it is okay to disrespect women sexually you are not alone. You are not wrong for thinking that something is just not right, and you are not wrong for feeling violated. This is speaking of couples of which the man seems to cannot live without sex and wants it all the time, even if it means “taking” it.

If you are not sure whether you are feeling respected sexually in your relationship, here are some signs of sexual disrespect:
  1. If you tell a guy no and he proceeds to make advances on you anyway

  2. If a man bothers you for an extended period keeping you awake and giving you guilt trips just because you are too tired to have sex

  3. If he calls you “easy” just because you mention that you feel obligated to have sex - I myself somehow gave someone at one time that I supposedly slept with every guy who wanted me to. This is definitely not true. I never have done just given sex to every guy who wants it. All I was trying to say was that sometimes guys expect me (or women in general) to have sex with them just so that they will be my friend.Regarding the above instance, I do agree that women should have more respect for themselves. They should believe that their bodies are meant for more than just to be someone's sex toys. Women should also believe that they are valued more than just for sex.

    At the same time, even if a woman is not as innocent of a woman as she used to be, its never too late to stand up for the right to be respected as a human being. Even if the relationship started out just about sex per a prior agreement, the guy should respect you when you ask for respect. Then, if you ask a guy for respect you even after when confronted, leave him. That's what I would do, and have done.

  4. If he keeps repeatedly asking you for sex after you have said no, even if he is your live-in partner or husband- it is never unacceptable for a man to keep repeatedly asking you for sex hoping you will give in. When he acts like this, you should NOT give in because he needs to learn that he cannot just get what he wants when he wants it ALL the time. Sex is supposed to be enjoyed at the free will of both parties, not just when the MAN is the one in the mood.Regarding the above, I would say as long as you as a woman are giving your mate sex at least a few days a week-or even once a week-the man has not much to complain about. Still, even if you had not had sex for three weeks he has NO right to force himself on you or harass you!

  5. Besides, if one or both of the couples in a relationship is unhappy with the sex life there are ways to discuss it diplomatically. They can together work out a way to make sex enjoyable for one another again. For instance, they can discuss opening the reasons why they do not have sex as often as they used to. However, forcing sex on someone or harassing someone who does not want to have sex right now is NOT the answer!

  6. If he speaks of a double standard, such as “that's different I'm a man” when it comes to sexual history and sexual promiscuity - I will further explain this point by saying that there is this classic male double standard that it is okay for men to sleep around, but not for women.

  7. In reality it is not good for either to do it because of all the consequences attached to it. But men should not look down on women or use a woman's sexual past as a way to get his way now. No matter how men men (or even women for that matter) that a woman has slept with, NO STILL MEANS NO!!

  8. If he threatens to not allow you to come back (or for him to leave) if you do not have sex - For instance, if a guy you are loving with does something like threaten to rent a U-haul and pack up all my things right after you refused sex, that is disrespectful. Either that or if he says, “either have sex with me or never come back” or something similar to that, he is very disrespectful.

  9. This is disrespect whether you are a virgin or whether you have slept with 1,000 guys. Of course, if a guy threatens he is going to leave you just because you do not want to have sex, that is disrespectful too. On the other hand, it is not that a man should feel obligated to stay with a woman that does not want to have sex. This point is further explained below...
Whether or not a couple has sex in a relationship is a very personal decision, between them and God. I am just going to right now give my personal opinion...

When it comes to a man asking for women for sex, it is more the overall attitude the man has about women that I would be most concerned about...

and the only way I can think of to explain this is as I have below...

I personally think that if a man does not want to be in a relationship where is is not having sex, he should just be straightforward and honest. He should just simply say, “I don't think I can be in a relationship where I am not having sex.”

But of course, the above may be hard for a woman to hear especially if she is still a virgin and wants to save herself for marriage -- and she has that right. A virgin woman might even wonder how a man could leave a woman just because she does not want to have sex with him, and she has a right to value her body and choose to save herself if she wants. A woman like this probably deserves better than have a man leave her because she does not want to have sex.

However, my personal opinion is that even if I was still a virgin I'd at least have more respect for a guy who is being honest about what he wants out of a relationship. I personally would rather be left by a guy who just honestly admits he wants to be in a relationship where he can have sex. To me its at least the "lesser of two evils" that it would be to be with a guy who would try to force me to have sex.

Although I must admit, I sometimes wonder how many guys who want have premarital sex with a woman actually have respect for women. There are not many out there who have had sex who do have respect for women, but there are some.

What I mean is, not all guys who fall into having sex before marriage would treat the woman badly afterwards. But many men will, so women you have to be careful who you give yourself to, and when.
In any case (married or not) a man's decision to have sex is choice and his right, BUT...the following is NEVER okay.

A guy should NEVER should give such ultimatums such as “have sex with me right now or I will leave.” THAT is manipulation, NOT honestly. You should NEVER respond to such guilt trips. A man like that has no respect for women, and at the very least he should be confronted by a woman who has some respect for herself, a woman who knows better.