Friday, September 23, 2011

How to Get Over Someone you Cannot Have

It is the plight of many single people. You think that person is finally out of your mind and then while you are spreading mayo on your sandwich you are stuck on the memories again. Either that or you are stuck on what you could have said or done differently or whether or not there is still a chance.

If you are having random thoughts about a person and no scene, song, or other trigger is present you have issues. Trust me, I know. It has happened to me too many times to count.

It seems to be a human curse that we all live with-being in love at least one time in our lives with someone we cannot have. Apparently being in love with someone who actually wants us is just way too easy.

However, I believe we all have a choice! We can empower ourselves!

Of course, you might need that time to dwell on the past for at least some time. You need to hang onto the memories until you are finally ready to let go of them-which hopefully comes before a time when your friends, family, and dates all grow tired of you talking about the person.

Hang onto the memories for a determined time-maybe a week, month, a few months, etc. Then, decide once and for all to let it go because it is not fair to you to not be able to live your life if the person never comes back. Now, if you want to let it go you need to learn how.

How to Let Go

You may find it annoying when people say “stop thinking about it” even though that is what you need to do. The trick is to know how to stop thinking about it which most people probably do not know how to explain. A simple lesson on how not to think about it can make this advice far less annoying.

What works for me: When I finally get to the point where I am too depressed that the person is not around to even enjoy the memories, it is time to take action. Therefore, this is what I do. Every time I start to think of even the slightest indirect memory of the person I say to myself “I am not going to think about it!”

Then I immediately switch to thinking about other important people in my life. For instance, maybe I want to make plans to visit my niece, mom, brother, or friend. Maybe I have creative projects I can finish.

Oh, maybe I even have a new dating prospect whose company I can try to enjoy even if I have not fallen in love with that person yet. The thought of being with a new person may difficult at first but it eventually gets easier.

An alternative approach: You could have a pen and paper handy (whenever it is safe to do so even at work when you are allowed). Then, every time you think of the person you could write down a list of things you want to accomplish that have nothing to do about your memories of that person. You could also write about things that make you happy, such as a spring sunny day or the sound of the ocean.

If you are not a creative person try to find a way to keep busy besides just working too much. Take up a sporting hobby or start joining social groups.

It's time to feel empowered!

This may sound a bit cruel but it can be fun to be over a person and to have moved on before an ex comes back around. It would not be nice to overtly rub it in the individual's face but you can at least enjoy feeling good inside. Because hopefully by the time you see your ex again you can hope to have found someone who appreciates having you around.

It's the other person's (your ex's) fault if it is too late. I myself would hate to screw up a good new relationship for an old flame if you know full well that old flame may not be reliable. It may be hard to learn to fall in love with a more stable person who wants a steady relationship but it can happen. Best news of all is that it can happen to you.

How to Get Over Someone you Cannot Have

It is the plight of many single people. You think that person is finally out of your mind and then while you are spreading mayo on your sandwich you are stuck on the memories again. Either that or you are stuck on what you could have said or done differently or whether or not there is still a chance.

If you are having random thoughts about a person and no scene, song, or other trigger is present you have issues. Trust me, I know. It has happened to me too many times to count.

It seems to be a human curse that we all live with-being in love at least one time in our lives with someone we cannot have. Apparently being in love with someone who actually wants us is just way too easy.

However, I believe we all have a choice! We can empower ourselves!

Of course, you might need that time to dwell on the past for at least some time. You need to hang onto the memories until you are finally ready to let go of them-which hopefully comes before a time when your friends, family, and dates all grow tired of you talking about the person.

Hang onto the memories for a determined time-maybe a week, month, a few months, etc. Then, decide once and for all to let it go because it is not fair to you to not be able to live your life if the person never comes back. Now, if you want to let it go you need to learn how.

How to Let Go

You may find it annoying when people say “stop thinking about it” even though that is what you need to do. The trick is to know how to stop thinking about it which most people probably do not know how to explain.

What works for me: When I finally get to the point where I am too depressed that the person is not around to even enjoy the memories, it is time to take action. Therefore, this is what I do. Every time I start to think of even the slightest indirect memory of the person I say to myself “I am not going to think about it!”

Then I immediately switch to thinking about other important people in my life. For instance, maybe I want to make plans to visit my niece, mom, brother, or friend. Maybe I have creative projects I can finish.

Oh, maybe I even have a new dating prospect whose company I can try to enjoy even if I have not fallen in love with the person yet. The thought of being with a new person may difficult at first but it eventually gets easier.

An alternative approach: You could have a pen and paper handy (whenever it is safe to do so even at work when you are allowed). Then, every time you think of the person you could write down a list of things you want to accomplish that have nothing to do about your memories of that person. You could also write about things that make you happy, such as a spring sunny day or the sound of the ocean.

If you are not a creative person try to find a way to keep busy besides just working too much. Take up a sporting hobby or start joining social groups.

It's time to feel empowered!

This may sound a bit cruel but it can be fun to be over a person and to have moved on before an ex comes back around. It would not be nice to overtly rub it in the individual's face but you can feel good to have found someone who appreciates having you around while you are in that person's life.

It's the other person's fault if it is too late. I myself would hate to screw up a good new relationship for an old flame if you know full well that old flame may not be reliable. It may be hard to learn to fall in love with a more stable person who wants a steady relationship but it can happen. Best news of all is that it can happen to you.