Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Ultimatums: A Form of Control

You may have had it happen to you. A man says you have to act this certain way or do not do that or the other thing or any number of trivial things you supposedly shouldn't do.

For example, I had a man shush me every five minutes while walking down a public street around public buildings just because I happened to be laughing, joking, and having a good time. And mind you I was sober. He wasn't.

I didn't stop him from indulging in whatever addiction he has. So I figure why should he give me a hard time just because I'm in a good mood while I am sober? Life is definitely hard enough, and having a guy with issues policing me and trying to kill my joy does not make life any easier.

I could not help but wonder in this situation if I had done the same to him-give him an ultimatum. What if I had gotten on his case about his drinking, saying “if you don't stop drinking I will leave you” and so on?

I am not all about ultimatums-at least not any more because I learned what damage that can do to a relationship. I will never do that again and I will never respond positively to anyone giving me that kind of ultimatum.

All it does is put a person under pressure they may not be able to handle in that moment. Where is the love and compassion in a situation like this? There is not, and “Compromise: A Practical Solution” should be sought instead.

In my opinion, men especially refuse to compromise because they want to be single while being in a relationship. Yet, they do not want the woman to have any kinds of freedoms at all.

A relationship is a two way street and if men only understand what women have to give up to be with them maybe they would be more willing to compromise. There should be no reason anyone should not consider another person in a relationship. Otherwise, it is a tyranny or dictatorship not a relationship.