Friday, November 28, 2008

I Won't Give up my Entire Life, Dreams, and Desires

Originally posted: 11/28/2008 Revised: 10/14/2011

You could call this entry self-empowerment, or self-preservation, or you can think of it as a self-esteem or self-respect building block. This is a further explanation of a section of Never Make Someone Your Priority Who thinks of You as an Option that I wrote.

I won't give up my entire life, dreams, and desires for a man!

This realization came to me after four years of trying to be with someone who wanted everything his way. In addition, he also expected everything to be when he wanted it if he "felt" it was right, regardless of how I feel, because I could not possibly ever know better than him.

It didn't make any difference what I thought or said to this person. All that  matters was that this Man-Almighty who thinks he is God says or (or not says) whether it is so!

Man, I will never live like that again. That is bull. I am actually much happier now that I am out from under his tyranny (or possible tyranny). Oh, but I must admit I still have issues, because even to writing this triggers bad feelings in me.

For instance, I distinctly remember when I was around him I felt like I was a bad person because I want someone special to spend time with! I felt like I was a bad person just because I wanted someone to take weekend trips with-and not just to the places or people he wanted to go to or see.

Yet, he wanted to invite me to family dinners and even out of town to where he would want to go. I don't want to measure up all the time but I think a relationship should be one-sided at least most of the time.