Friday, October 17, 2008

Escape of The Classic "I'm Happy for You" Trap

It happens more often than you think. Two people announce they are getting married, and then everyone finds out about the wedding. Then, the congratulations are said, the engagement party is held, and wedding invitations are sent.

Then, before you can decide where to buy the flowers, dress, tux, or food all of the sudden the couple starts fighting like cats and dogs. What happens to people that are in love and who have been in a fairly great relationship until now?

I sometimes simply do not get it. All I can think of to explain it is that it is the classic "I'm happy for you" trap. It's almost as if people knowing about your plans makes you realize how final those plans really are.

However, from my experience I am wondering what is really worse-the fear of getting married or actually being married. I am sure that depends upon a variety of different factors.

Of course, the end result really is not contingent upon what others think of you, whether or not others are truly happy for you. Rather, it is more

a matter of how you feel about yourself and your partner, but  mostly how you feel about your self and how your partner feels about him or her self. I look back and realize that it should not have mattered whether or not people are happy for me that I was going to get married or not. All that matters is that I am happy and that the person I plan to marry is happy.

If and when I ever become engaged again I am for sure not going to let other people get to me-whether they are happy for me or not. Besides, sometimes it seems just as much pressure for people to approve of me getting married than for them not to approve of me getting married.

When I know what I want and the other person knows what they want there will be no "I am happy for you" trap. That is because I will know I am with the person because I want to be, not because I am pretending I want to be, or others are happy for me or pretending they are happy for me.