Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"Hello, How are you Doing?" You Asked

You called today. You asked how I was doing? I was happy to have been busy at the time, and happy to tell you, "It was nice that you were the fifth person who called me today."

Perhaps now you will know how it feels to feel so small and insignificant in someone's life. I don't need you, but the truth is...

I was actually fine until you called. Again, my whole world starting falling apart. Nothing seemed to matter to me other than the fact that you just called me to supposedly find out how I am doing?

When you called, what I would really wanted to say to you is this:

Do you even really care how I am doing? Would you even really want to know if I told you? Would you really want to hear how sick and tired of the games you play with me really are? Do you really want to hear how hurt I am that you never took the time to get to know me and show interest in my life and my family? (And yet you claimed to want to marry me?)

Do you want to know how I feel about your nonchalant attitude about sex? How you compare our experience to other women? How hurt I am that you would rather do wild sexual things with total strangers than with me? Do you really want to know all of that?

I mustered all the strength I had to let you know that I am not going to let you know how much I really love you. I am not going to go down that road any more. Oh, and you can forget about me making a stink about what you do when I am not around you. 

Why should I care? I am no longer going to give up any of my freedom so you can pretend you want me and then abandon me again!

But when you called, all I said was this: 

"Oh I was going to call you sometime this week." I said to you. I am not giving you any more ammunition to use again me. I will call you when I call you.